Life can be pretty merry at times, and you can be strolling along with not a care in the world. Getting on with your job, skipping around whilst playing happy families, and then unexpectedly, there’s an invisible whisper that creeps into your head and at times comes as a giant smack. Confused, don’t be. It’s called self-doubt.
On a side note. I like to introduce my favourite drug brand; it’s called ‘the passion of life‘, and it’s pretty addictive. Most of us love the scent of passion, as we would go to the ends of the earth to conqueror it, like Alexander the Great. For example, we seek passion in relationships, we hit the gym to get chiselled abs to impress women, or we decide to leave our jobs to set up the next Apple Inc. So that one day we can stick a firm middle finger directed straight at our boss and leave the office in elegant style.
The honeymoon period of life is necessary, but like all drugs, it fades out, often making us want more. Previously, I had many life coaches and mentors telling me to find my calling, as though it’s buried under some rock. And my job is to be King Arthur and take the sword out of the stone. This divine calling should wonderfully solve all our crappy problems, but it doesn’t. To concluded passion has a mind of its own, as though it drifts in and out of everyone’s life.
Then when passion does eventually leave, we are left with quite a large void to fill. Welcome self-doubt. Doubt grows like a virus due to the lack of self-awareness and knowledge to handle the situation. This results in insecurity in relationships, and exercise doesn’t seem so fun anymore, and it’s probably best we don’t raise any fingers to any bosses.
So, where does it come from?
Often doubt can be triggered from several causes, such as the following:
- Frequently, we seek counsel from the wrong people who have experienced the same problems as us but never find a solution. So, they influence their negative beliefs on others.
- Reading and watching content that is either negative or of no use makes people take the eye off the prize causing their emotions to go erratic.
- Having a negative inner circle of friends who moan, bitch, gossip, and have a pessimistic outlook certainly doesn’t help.
- When we are comparing ourselves to others who have what we want is perfectly normal. But the consciousness has an insidious quirk that leaves us either envious or feeling overwhelmed.
Doubt that isn’t tackled causes stress, depression, procrastination, lack of motivation, emotional instability, low self-esteem, low self-confidence, and difficulty making decisions.
Most people will go straight towards the liquor cabinet to help solve their problems, but this only masks the problem and doesn’t solve it. Doubt, however, remains. Buddhist philosophy encourages us to find the core root of the issue to understand the upset feeling better. Quite often, this process can be painful, depending on the severity. Therefore, we have emotional triggers that help us pinpoint the root.
So how do we deal with emotional triggers
- First, you must ask why you’re feeling this way? What is the cause? Where is the problem rooted? This can only be achieved by complete honesty. Don’t lie to yourself; otherwise, you will head towards an endless cycle of misery that repeats throughout your life.
- Secondly, look towards finding a solution to the problem by having the sense of urgency to be solution-oriented. If you avoid the problem, it will only grow either physically or mentally. The faster you tackle the setback then, the quicker you can remain with peace of mind.
- Thirdly change the narrative. What do I mean by this? It’s the story you end up telling yourself becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Take, for example, if you constantly tell yourself, you are unhappy and unhealthy. Guess what? You will always be unhappy and unhealthy because you keep re-emphasizing that message in your belief system. The beliefs you hold will strengthen your resilience to bounce back depending on what you tell yourself.
Moving forward
Here are a few techniques to help eliminate and manage everyday doubt:
- be kind to yourself by taking out time for relaxation; this will help cope with the feeling of being overwhelmed, frustrated, irritated, or slight levels of dissatisfaction. Allow breaks and enough rest to help relax the mind and gather your thought process. Try self-care routines, nature walks, meditation.
- Sharpen your skills. At times it’s just a case of learning and developing a few new skills to help you evolve into the person you want to become. There’s a lot of professional help and support.
- You are receiving advice from the right people. I mean that there are many gimmicks, trickers and people who want to take your money. But there are a lot of genuine people who want to help. Avoid self-help Guru who tells you how to live your life.
- CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) is a popular method to help manage everyday problems and stresses associated with doubt. This practice helps change the way we think and behave by altering our perspective in a safe environment.
In a Nutshell
If we could eliminate doubt, then I bet the process of achieving our dreams would be a lot easier. But at times, it’s so much more enriching to know that you had to overcome resistance, overcome any worry, and remain patient to conquer your goals.
The philosopher Allen Watts uses the backwards law, which states that our most challenging experiences make us grow further. Doubt is the messy middle of resistance that makes us push past our comfort zone. Making the journey so much satisfying. So, it’s not all bad.
Peace out