There are four big lessons I learned in 2022; There are as follows; that Timing is everything, anything worthwhile has no shortcuts, validation is essential for success, and regret is the ultimate failure. When they are all combined, they master death; that’s a joke. But they do work hand in hand.
Let’s start with timing; if you hate the activity or wherever you put your time, then you will start to acknowledge that time begins to drift slowly. However, even worse is when you watch time, as you will find that time takes an eternity to move forward. The trick is always to love what you do in any given circumstance, whether that be your relationships, career, hobbies, or interests. It sounds cheesy, but it works. It’s as simple as ‘love where you put your time, and your life will be good’.
So how do I go about mastering my time?
- The first step is to empty the mental jar through complete honesty, not only with ourselves but with others. There is a saying that the truth sets us free and is accurate. When we bottle things up, we get upset, but being brave enough to express how we genuinely feel is more liberating.
- The second method is through self-reflection, by keeping things fresh in learning, remaining open and, if required, challenging certain beliefs. To identify what you could have done differently or improved. At times this requires you to be vulnerable, but that’s OK because you are getting to a place of learning about yourself better, which leads to better decisions and, ultimately, valuing your time.
Lesson two is that there are no shortcuts in life, especially for the most meaningful things we desire. This goes for building excellent relationships, having a career we love, being at peace with ourselves, finding a good spouse, and raising children. Remember these three principles; I call them the three P’s; practice, patience and perseverance. What you want may take a little longer, but with a little extra effort, you will get there, or something better might come along. Always try to see the positive in the situation. Dare I say it? Everything might happen for a reason.
What makes the long meaningful road fun is going with passion and love. Be brave to follow your heart.
Lesson three, here we go, it’s validation. The biggest and messiest lesson learnt in 2022 was the essence of validation. I wrote a book about not caring what others think in an authentic way, and validation was a significant aspect of the book. Here is the paradigm, there are two spectrums; on one side, you can be indifferent and narcissistical by not caring what anyone thinks and only approving of your own opinion, then on the other extreme, you can be an entirely backwards bending people pleaser.
So the answer is the find the middle way; thank you, Buddha. If we take the Pareto 80/20 rule, we can learn to focus on 20% of the meaningful relationships in our lives and learn to be kind to the remainder 80% of the population. In that sense, we can reserve our attention for the right people. Approval, acceptance and belonging are placed for the right people we choose.
Let’s dive deeper into validation
Let’s take, for example, I go for an interview, but I have no interest in the job; my lack of interest will be shown in my body language, tone of voice and my lack of excitement. Therefore, I’m less likely to get the job. However, if I go for a job that I enjoy and want, and there is opportunity and purpose by showing passion and enthusiasm – there is a higher chance of success. Validation is basically showing receptiveness on both ends by connecting values, beliefs and lifestyle – it’s a match – you like them, and they like you.
The last lesson is regret and probably the most important. Sometimes we can use defence mechanisms to protect our anxiety through excuses, avoidance, rationalism, blame/anger, or apathy/indifference.
Most people fear failure and scare themselves at something before even trying. Still, fear teaches us the most valuable lessons – and allows us to take advantage of a given opportunity. The scary thing isn’t failure, self-doubt, rejection, shame or embarrassment – with these things, you can get up, dust yourself off and try again – the ultimate failure is not trying at all and regretting it later in life. I would argue that even if you tried something and it didn’t work out the way you expected, it would move you to something better, your curiosity would die, your mind would be at ease, and you find the narrative of the given situation would be authentic. I’d rather be rejected 1,000 times than live a life of regrets.
To overcome regret
- Embrace change and become the change you seek. At times your not going to know what to do, but keep taking action and learning, remain patient
- Learn to be grateful for what you have already because this will put your mind in a good state
- Get support from someone you trust or a certified professional; you don’t have to do this alone
Real happiness comes from peace and love. Value your time, find purpose in the process and not the destination, remain authentic through healthy validation and have no regrets.