A lot of self-help advice is built around the idea of what we lack, which makes us go down a rabbit hole to find the answers. Instead, it’s more important to look at personal value as the answer. By asking ourselves critical questions like what is important to us? What do we care about most? What motivates us to get out of our bed? Or pondering on the idea of why that girl is so attractive to us? These are questions we must ask ourselves.
Cooperations spend billions each year trying to find what motivates consumers, what we love and hate. It appears that personal data has a higher value than crude oil. I digress slightly, but personal values give us purpose, security, a sense of knowing ourselves better, separates what we like and dislike, what we stand for, fight for, suffer for, and what we give our last breath towards.
The Paradox
Values hold power when we are committed to living by them in the long run. There is a difference between feeling controlled and feeling empowered. But the majority of society can’t establish between the two.
For example, a woman who convinces herself and everyone else that she’s in a happily committed relationship but is repeatedly abused. She contradicts herself with the truth because happy relationships are not abusive.
A man who gets up every day and goes to a job he hates whilst surrounded by many idiotic colleagues, tries to convince himself that he will find happiness in his career but never does. He contradicts himself with the truth because a job isn’t supposed to be something you hate.
Next door, the chubby dude goes to the gym every day but avoids the gym to waltz his way into the sauna. Again, contradiction because he avoids the truth by staying in a steam room rather than exercise.
So, what am I trying to say? Glad you asked
Values are the gold mine to being human. It’s sort of like the spiritual jackpot, the holy grail, the 21st-century enlightenment to knowing thyself. It’s the only way to stop caring what others think. Don’t allow others to feed shit into your mind; you have the power to say NO.
BUT You must be in sync with your values; otherwise, you stand for nothing. A lot of people know the basics of good values but never really live by them. For example, If Jim bob understands that loyalty is a good value, but behind his friends ends up lying, cheating, and stealing. Then his not living up to the core value of loyalty.
Or say that Mike pretends to everyone that his faithful to his wife, but secretly cheats with some bimbo. In contradiction to not holding his value of being faithful, there are always consequences. You end up suffering either psychologically, or the truth always comes out.
Values are sort of like being a chess player of life. Always try and see five steps ahead because there will always be a consequence to your actions. Hence cause and effect. Make sure that your values align with your actions. Otherwise, there will be a contradiction.
Good Values: honesty, trust, loyalty, kindness, commitment, compassion, consistency, courage, friendliness, good sense of humour, independence, integrity, charitable, freedom, respect
Bad Values: lying, cheating, stealing, aggressiveness, dominance, ownership, control, spiteful, malicious, cruel
Good personal values will help manage your behaviour and steer motivation. Often, it’s easier to identify values by matching them to your strengths and personality. This usually allows us to find meaning in our lives. From being responsible for finding the career, we want to pursue, forming relationships, or maintaining good health and wellbeing.
Overall
Personal Values are the backbone of the mind. It’s the place where we can have the confidence to know what’s essential with logic without losing our heads. Personal values help to predict behaviour through emotions if chosen incorrectly. But chosen correctly allows us to remain motivated, driven and aligned to our goals. It helps to control our reactions in a crisis and develop a good moral compass. It can take years to establish them, be aware of them, and live by them throughout our lives. But nothing is more rewarding.