Peace is probably the highest wealth we can experience. I became very focused on my career during my twenties like most people, and I blocked everything else out for several years. Early in my life, I gravitated towards Buddhism and was taught by zen monks how to focus the mind, on one thing at a time. Whilst I was pretty avoidant on other aspects of my life.
I felt tired most of the time because I neglected my wellbeing, my relationships suffered because I prioritised them less, and my social life was non-existent. So, I kept all my eggs in one basket, which left me feeling quite empty. Through awareness, I placed a high value on my career. But having a more vibrant life, I needed to focus on my health and relationships. This required me to learn to manage my time and energy better to lead a rewarding life.
Avoidance has two types of consequences. One, you end up suffering inside because you are too anxious to take courage towards something you want. For example, you want to approach a girl you like, but you make too many excuses by talking yourself out. Then end getting into a hissy fit because you couldn’t step up.
Second, you can’t make peace with the situation because you are ignorant of the truth. Instead of acknowledging you made a mistake and then move on, you hold a grudge and can’t get over it. It’s better to be honest with yourself and remove the extra layer of baggage so that you can get on with your life. The truth always sets you free’.
It is better to acknowledge the situation rather than block it from yourself as you will end up suppressing the emotions.
Many people use avoidant behaviour patterns to escape complex thoughts or feelings, used as a coping mechanism. It can be easier to intoxicate by numbing the pain, taking substances, or completely walking away from the situation. This passive behaviour can make others deal with their problems and make excuses for their behaviour. This mainly happens with spoilt and entitled children who can get away with murder by their parents.
Avoidant people will become frustrated, stressed, and annoyed over small matters because they cannot deal with their own emotions and avoid what needs to be acknowledged. This leads to suffering relationships, taking everything personally, suffering in silence and mental worry, stress, and anxiety.
Instead of stepping up, being empowered and having courage. The easier option is to stay quiet, passive and keep suffering in silence.
History repeats itself
You avoid paying your debt, you hide away from relationships problems, you don’t want to look after your kids, you make regular visits to the toilet to avoid work. So, today’s avoidance only leads to the same avoidance tomorrow, and you end up in the escape loop your entire life. Shying away from difficulties, hiding away from challenges, and you are the one that ends up suffering in the end. Life might become a little easier instead of taking responsibility and maybe trying to deal with the problem.
Anxiety
A lot of avoidance stems from anxiety. In more severe cases causes PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder).
Anxiety isn’t something that we can switch off or delete altogether, it’s part of the genetic material of being a human being. Anxiety is the reason why you might avoid something altogether. It’s vital to either recognise the behaviour that causes avoidant behaviour or seek out professional help. For example, this can be something from the past that was traumatic, causing you humiliation or embarrassment. We can then train the mind to be better conditioned by breaking negative beliefs patterns. For example, when we learn not to touch a hot stove, we experience some form of anxiety that prevents us from touching a hot stove again. Psychological research states that only through small changes, being consistent, you can have practical and permanent results over time. Develop good habits and making the process enjoyable will lead to overcoming avoidance. The anxiety remains, but it’s managed better.
Step up and have the courage to act. Otherwise, it will eat you alive as your problems will grow into bigger problems. Most of the time, we suffer when we avoid the obstacle. As Marcus Aurelius quotes, ‘What stands in the way becomes the way’. Keep your jar empty, and don’t allow the mind to be filled with worry. Your peace of mind is most valuable, so don’t be avoidant.