Courage is required to face fear; if we don’t face adversity and remain in our comfort zone, we build up anxiety. This then leads to creating excuses, which over a period of time leads to resentment, blame and anger, especially when deep down we still want something. In psychology, there is a profound thought; it’s the idea of being in the present moment when facing fears and being in a good state where you raise your level of optimism towards what you want. This can only be achieved through consistent action, learning, and, eventually, breakthrough.
Let’s break down the properties of fear and what causes anxiety. Let’s see then; there is shame, embarrassment, discomfort, unease and wonderful struggle; this is called a healthy level of resistance. To face fears and manage anxiety requires facing adversity head-on instead of resisting or avoiding it. Only in pain do we grow, not from our comforts. In taking action, we may look silly, uncomfortable and shy, but facing the fear beyond all of this will eventually lead to success.
When we are going through something, at first, it can feel amazing; it’s all exciting because we are ready for change. Then a couple of weeks and months go by, and it doesn’t feel so exciting anymore, and we approach what I call the ‘messy middle’, a psychological roadblock that really messes with our minds. The real test of perseverance as we start to look within and ask how badly we want something or how eager we are for change. In this stage, we can identify what’s worked and hasn’t, make new plans, try a new approach, add variety, sharpen our skills and make better-calculated guesses with a little more experience. The messy middle teaches us one thing; it allows us to find lessons in failures and improve.
Three stages of overcoming the messy middle
- You have to feel the fear and do it anyway (book by Susan Jeffers); even if it is scary, even if your heart is beating a little faster, take action. You have to try in the face of fear. It won’t look as scary as you think, and then you will probably look back and consider what the big deal was in the first place.
- You have to be completely honest with yourself. Is there something you could do differently, change, learn, add, take away, or integrate? Maybe there’s additional research required; how about asking for trustworthy help, or perhaps you’re just acting like a spoilt brat, and you need to be accountable.
- Be vulnerable; it is essential to be open about your emotions. especially when we want to change. If that includes improving your health, relationships, career, travelling, mental health. Remember, the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself.
What’s the worst that can happen
Look, you might get rejected; you might fail; someone may laugh at you or think your bat shit crazy; you may even fall over and show your ass crack. But nothing is lost; you just try again, but next time you will be better, with more wisdom, maturity, willingness, and strength to keep going.
When I personally try something new, I used to talk about all the negatives, what went wrong or why I even tried in the first place. Then I learned that maybe it is about changing my perspective, that maybe I should be proud of myself for even trying or at least I had the balls to go for what I wanted. This is the growth mindset required for success. Cheer yourself on instead of constantly beating yourself up emotionally.
I would like to end on this ‘your failures become your success’ my motto has always been keep things light, simple, and fun.