Society is shaped around people being like an open book, and they will spill the beans about everything by revealing all their deepest darkest secrets. Unfortunately, some people will place their trust with the wrong people, such as their boss or work colleagues and these people will spread gossip to others. Then there are the clowns, a personality type who try to popularise by seeking attention within the office, and they love to tell others about their life when they feel like shit inside. Office clowns have the tendency to validate to everyone how extraordinary their lives are to everyone. Their delusion makes them feel great but, everyone wants to avoid them. Lack of boundaries.
The lack of awareness means that most of us don’t know when to toe the line, set the parameters. As a result, respect is lost because we don’t know when we overstayed our welcome. Dale Carnegie, the dude who wrote the book ‘How to win friends and influence people’, discusses the importance of boundaries to supports good working relationships.
In a relationship, boundaries are essential for personal values to hold power. For example, we can only respect others if we give each other’s healthy space, we can only trust others by allowing others to go off and get on with the task, we can only be loyal if we don’t decide to cheat, and we can only be honest if we tell others what is bugging us.
Boundaries enable us to measure what we feel is comfortable without overstepping the mark, and the judgement should make you feel a level of peace. You might be happy to call your partner once or twice daily, but not 500 times a day. You maybe be glad to see your friends once a week but every day can be difficult, especially without commitments and responsibilities. There is no perfect number to decide how much is enough, to agree between yourself and the other person. Relationships are built over time by learning about each other.
Building relationships
In today’s society, there is a misconception to be an open book and blurt your entire life story, the all or nothing mentality. This is a recipe for disaster as you will scare the crap out of the other person. However, being too closed off by never revealing doesn’t favour you either because it creates no trust. The trick is to work in small doses, little and often, slow and steady like that Aesop fable tortoise and the hare shit.
Start small when opening up; this will create trust because vulnerability and honesty will connect you both over time. Both parties should be open and receptive; otherwise, the relationship won’t work. Open the door slightly each time, don’t overwhelm others with all your problems.
Developing professional relationships is a little more tricker. The first point of call is always to build respectwith your co-workers. If you focus on building a friendship with co-workers by telling them all your problems, it can backfire, especially with the wrong colleagues and cast a dark shadow. Remember you’re at work to work, not to talk about your life story. Separate your personal life from your professional life, don’t fall into the trap of combining both.
Don’t forget about yourself
Boundaries are also just as necessary with the relationship we have with ourselves. There is a point when we don’t know when to let things go and relax. For example, when our finishing time is 5 pm but we finish 4 hours later, you can’t prioritise workload, worry excessively, don’t trust yourself, and you might go over the same report 60 times when it was already perfect the second time. People who set the boundaries make it a priority to finish on time. They don’t need to over-deliver because they are efficient with their time and focus on getting productive tasks done when necessary. Another example is when going gym, you get your work done in 30minutes instead of staying 2 hours longer because you can’t stop looking at your phone screen. My point, less is more; this means that you work smarter and only on the most productive tasks and remain committed to getting the job done.
Our values hold strength when we combine them with boundaries. This supports both personal and professional relationships because we set the parameters. Essentially giving us peace of mind so that we are not overwhelmed with pressure.